There are a million things I wish I could say. Make that shout. I wish I could tell you how much you hurt me. I wish I could tell you that somehow I still can't stop thinking about you. I wish you could know that I keep reliving our few moments and I cry every time. I wish I could make you understand that the way you treated me bruised me more than you'd probably think. I wish you could know that even though I ache, I wouldn't do it any different, except to tell you how I felt. Oh wait, I'm pretty sure I did. I wish I could tell you that I hope you're happy. I hope she makes you smile. And I hope that maybe on occasion when you least expect it, when it's the farthest thing from your mind, you remember me. I hope that one day you get what you deserve and that you finally understand what I could have been for you. I told you on day one I'm here to talk. I told I would listen and that I really care. And I believed you when you told me all the words I wanted to hear. I fell miserably for that pathetic smile and the stupid glasses on your face. There wasn't anything I could do, except play along and pretend that it wouldn't end badly. The worst part about it all, is it wasn't just you that fooled me. My friends who I thought I could trust, my friends who I have believed are there for me, may not be after all. So tonight I realized something. I'm not meant to be here. This place, right here, right now, it isn't me and it hurts too much. Of course I'll never stop trying, but there are moments when you realize you haven't been looking after yourself. You've only been fooled and manipulated. So this year, it's going to be different.
There’s so many people that we meet on an almost daily basis. Especially when you’re working or going to school. The number of persons walking into our lives is more than we probably realize. Sometimes, when we least expect it, we meet people that change us forever. I’ve previously written on something similar to this. But I’m just curious about everyone’s views on fate. I personally have always believed in it, knowing that everything happens for a reason. That coffee that accidentally happened to spill on the guy you’ve always wanted to talk to. The meeting that ran late so you bumped in to someone you don’t normally have the chance to see. There’s a plan for us all. Or so I’ve always thought. It might be hard to believe sometimes, because we wish something would finally happen for us and it continually doesn't. But what we don't realize is that the reason things don't happen when it feels like it should, is often because we're just not quite ready for it yet. Even if we think so, later on when we think back on it, things usually make a lot more sense. I guess I've always had this feeling that there are things which are simply out of control. But when we let life just happen, it naturally seems to just work itself out. We go through pain and anger and moments of uncertainty. At the time, it feels downright shitty and unpleasant and we'd give anything not to be going through it. It can feel as if you've been shot, as if you should be dying instantly. But amazingly, we always survive. There's always a reason for it. If we take the time to think things over, we can find that we're actually stronger for it. We learn from the mistakes made and the moments where we feel weakest. But the next time we're put through a similar situation, we know how to deal with it, we know how to handle it. It still isn't always easy, but it's nice having experience and knowing that we can make it. So how do you feel? Do you believe in fate? Do you believe there's a meaning behind every action or moment? Or do you find it difficult in finding a reason for the way things happen?
There’s so many people that we meet on an almost daily basis. Especially when you’re working or going to school. The number of persons walking into our lives is more than we probably realize. Sometimes, when we least expect it, we meet people that change us forever. I’ve previously written on something similar to this. But I’m just curious about everyone’s views on fate. I personally have always believed in it, knowing that everything happens for a reason. That coffee that accidentally happened to spill on the guy you’ve always wanted to talk to. The meeting that ran late so you bumped in to someone you don’t normally have the chance to see. There’s a plan for us all. Or so I’ve always thought. It might be hard to believe sometimes, because we wish something would finally happen for us and it continually doesn't. But what we don't realize is that the reason things don't happen when it feels like it should, is often because we're just not quite ready for it yet. Even if we think so, later on when we think back on it, things usually make a lot more sense. I guess I've always had this feeling that there are things which are simply out of control. But when we let life just happen, it naturally seems to just work itself out. We go through pain and anger and moments of uncertainty. At the time, it feels downright shitty and unpleasant and we'd give anything not to be going through it. It can feel as if you've been shot, as if you should be dying instantly. But amazingly, we always survive. There's always a reason for it. If we take the time to think things over, we can find that we're actually stronger for it. We learn from the mistakes made and the moments where we feel weakest. But the next time we're put through a similar situation, we know how to deal with it, we know how to handle it. It still isn't always easy, but it's nice having experience and knowing that we can make it.
So how do you feel? Do you believe in fate? Do you believe there's a meaning behind every action or moment? Or do you find it difficult in finding a reason for the way things happen?
Do you ever have one of those days, where it feels like it all just goes wrong? Where it feels impossible to do anything right? I’m pretty sure we all do. I had one of those yesterday. I started a new job recently and yesterday was simply chaotic, to say the least. At the end of the day I passed out early from exhaustion. I didn’t think I could do it another day, but here I am. It isn’t ever easy in life, and sometimes we just break down and fall apart. It’s human, we’re not perfect by any means and we are full of weaknesses. What’s important is getting up off the floor and slowing putting yourself together again. Today might be another struggle, I don’t know. But I will try my best to make it through it and strive to keep getting better at what I’m doing. I know I’m strong and I have faith that I will survive and be just fine. I’ve certainly battled worse in my life. I’m actually very lucky just to be alive…but that’s another story.
"Maggie Goes on a Diet," a children's book due to be released in October, has already sparked controversy and complaints. Critics object to the image on the cover, of an overweight girl holding up a tiny dress and seeing a much more slender version of herself in the mirror, suggesting that inside every fat person there's a skinny person waiting to get out, and drawing upon body dysmorphic imagery. The use of the word "diet" in the title suggests an endorsement for the dangerous and destructive cycle of dieting some girls begin as young as age 8 that can lead to eating disorders. The story suggests that to be happy, normal and to have friends, one must be thin. Maggie, the protagonist, is 14 years old, but the rhyming book is recommended for 4 to 8 year olds."There's now a "savemaggie" hashtag on Twitter, a "Say No to Maggie Goes on a Diet" Facebook page, calls for a boycott and demands that Amazon and Barnes & Noble pull the book," according to AP. The reaction has been overwhelmingly negative, but there may yet be some value in Kramer's book. "Author Paul Kramer has said his intent was to write a story with an important message to children about eating properly and maintaining a healthy physique, especially given the obesity epidemic," reports the Washington Post. Kramer may have had good intentions -- everywhere I've seen him quoted, he expresses an awareness of the book's flaws. The issue of childhood obesity does need to be addressed, and literature aimed at children is a great way to raise their own awareness of health and healthy eating skills. The LA Times finds the book full of "the kind of sensible advice recommended by experts."Do you think "Maggie Goes on a Diet" promoted a sensible recommendation for health, or does it introduce the message (that girls already encounter everywhere) that thinness is essential to happiness (and, conversely, that fat people are bad or inferior)?
Up until now, I acted without thinking. Up until now I ate up every word he'd say. Up until now, I fell helplessly with only one touch. But right now my heart might burst with desire, and I can't fair another heartache. Sometimes people walk into our lives and change us forever. Without a warning they leave footprints on our chests and in our hearts. It might not last forever, and they may leave without even looking back. But we remember them indefinitely. It doesn't matter if they hurt you or not. It doesn't matter how it ended. What's important is the impact they had, good or bad. You might have spent tears, and felt anger well up inside but in the end they made you different in one way or another. I can scream and let him get inside the deepest parts of me if I let him. But I can also choose to let him be a lesson learned. He made me feel good for just a few moments. I was able to find out that I actually can be close to someone. I didn't think I could. He gave me something to look forward to. And even though it ended badly I found a part of me I wasn't quite sure existed. I let you inside too easily but I don't regret it for a second. Those short lived moments were wonderful for what they were. You weren't the one for me, you showed me that later. And you weren't the guy I thought you were (you showed me that too). But what you were to me is more than I will ever be to you I'm sure.
The new school year is upon us and I can’t help but be filled with a sense of optimism for change. I’m ready to move on from all the moments of last year and focus on me this year. It might sound selfish and completely ridiculous, but the reality is, I let others push me around. I let them tell me what to do, and how to be and take advantage of everything I give. I’m determined to do what I need to for me, myself and I this time around. I will always have compassion for others; it’s in engrained in who I am. But I will not let the negative actions and words of others abuse me, as they have in the past. I still wear scars on my heart from certain memories, but I have learned that I deserve better. And even though I got hurt and bruised, I was able to realize that it’s because that situation and person wasn’t the right one for me. You can call me ugly, worthless, a nobody and whatever other names you’d like, but I have found, overtime, the confidence and personal faith in myself to know that those words don’t matter. I know in my heart that I am worth everything. Yes I mess up multiple times a day, and I can have a large number of problems, but I also have the ability to be completely giving and selfless. It takes effort and strength and work, but it’s possible. And only I possess what is necessary to make these words true, I trust myself and know myself as the best possible version of myself.
We stress, we worry, we fall to pieces. It becomes just too much to handle. It’s too much to think about or contemplate. But have you ever wondered why it even feels this way? Deadlines? Due dates? What are they really? We wear ourselves thin trying to complete these tasks that make so little of the entirety of our life in whole. In the middle of striving for something you see as greatly important, your life might end. You might lose someone you love. And were these last moments ones you’ll cherish? What will others say about you? Did you make an impact on others around you? Did you do the things you wanted most? My point is, life is much too short to worry and become sick over anything. There is never anything we cannot overcome or get past at one point or another. In a second the world appears to be falling, but just give it time, and take a breath. Count the beautiful and precious blessings which you’ve been given and ask yourself if it’s worth the energy it takes to stress and worry? The answer is often (if not always) no. So start the rest of your life now. Turn a new page and create something new. Give yourself a new energy, a new motivation. We all have endless potential and a desire for something even if we don’t know it yet. Open your eyes and look for that thing which gives you inspiration; the thing which gives you confidence and strength. When the walls come down, don’t be afraid to let others in around you. Let yourself hurt, and bleed and bruise with emotion. It isn’t a bad thing as society tends to think. We’re made imperfect with countless flaws. What differeniates a happy person from an unhappy person is the ability to embrace (or not) these broken and freyed edges. It will make or break who you are and who you become.
I just watched the movie The Ledge and it really made me think, What would you do for the one you love? Would you drop everything and leave it all behind? Could you jump a building if it saved her life? Could you take a bullet to protect him? When it really comes down to it, what would you really do? Most of us can't actually say...but if that moment came and this person meant everything, could you make the choice you never thought you'd have to? For those of you who haven't seen this movie, it's about a guy (Gavin) who finds himself in love with a girl (Shayna) who is married. She's married to a husband who is thoroughly invested in his faith and spreading that faith to everyone he can. She finds herself falling for this new guy, but tells him he has to stay away, as she's afraid of messing anything up. This undoubtedly doesn't happen for very long and she is eventually drawn back to him. They have an affair for a while, until the husband finds out. One day he tells Gavin that in order to save Shayna from the bullet he is holding to her head, Gavin must go to a certain roof top and wait until noon and then jump. While Gavin is on the roof top, he meets a police officer who comes to try and convince him not to jump. The officer himself is fighting a rough patch in his own life as he just found out he has always been sterile and that his kids are not actually his but his brother's (his wife wanted them to look as close to him as possible). At the end of the movie Gavin tell the officer that if the officer were in his position, he'd do the same. Gavin tells him to tell Shayna he loved her and also tells him to go to his wife and move on (that what his wife did, was all for him). Gavin then jumps the building and dies. You may wonder why I'm talking about such a movie and feel like this movie sounds utterly depressing. But the point I'm making is that I'm not sure what most people would do if faced with such a situation as Gavin. Would the majority of us die for the one we love? Would we put our own life aside to save them? Now most of us probably find this difficult to contemplate, but I'd like to think I would personally be able to make the choices that I would never want to be faced with if it really happened. Right now I can say I love my family and I'd like to find a guy to love, and for both I'd give my life in a heart beat. In an instant he made a huge impact on the lives of Shayna and the officer. He made a move not everyone would be able to do. He made a move most of us would likely be too afraid to do. But he did it for the sake of the woman he loved, because she was worth it.
This might sound crazy, but I think I may have finally found the motivation to change my life. I think just maybe, I can finally see what I need to do for myself, so that my life can go in a better direction. My life has always been blessed, and I am so fortunate to have family and friends who surround me and love me. I'm not saying that my life is somehow horrible and that it has to change drastically, but I think for the past year I lost focus on what's actually important. I got sucked in to things and people that drifted me off the path I was going on. At the age of 10 I was diagnosed with something called Turner Syndrome. It's a hormonal disorder that affects only girls. It's pretty rare and not all TS babies survive. I was almost immediately put on growth hormone shots to increase my height (I now stand at a whopping 4'11). I took shots for 5 years, once daily. I was also later diagnosed with ovarian failure, which means I will not be able to have children. I could get a donor egg if I really wanted to, but it's a risk to my health. Not to throw out this story for pity or to make it look like my life has been so difficult, but I've dealt with my fare share of obstacles and it hasn't always been easy. But when I went to TS camp (a camp for girls across the country who struggle with TS), I met the most amazing group of girls I've ever known. These girls fully and undoubtedly knew and understood what I was going through like no one else could. I still keep in contact with several of those girls today. I have seen TS more as a blessing than anything else. It made me see things in a different light. I think I'm more grateful than some people for being able to have my life and to have been given the chance to walk this earth. My first year of camp I remember this girl, one of the older girls that I looked up to, named Rachel Bailey. I don't know her very well, but because she has TS she is therefore, extended family to me. She was recently involved in a traumatic car accident and is in a coma and in critical condition. I barely know her, but it's affected me more than I would have thought. She has such a spirit and enthusiastic energy about her, that it's hard to imagine her with her life at stake. I keep praying and hoping for her to get better, and I sincerely hope that she continues to bless us all with her presence. She isn't one that deserves pain and uncertainty, but I suppose this is in God's hands. He's got a plan for us all, including her. I guess time will only tell what that plan is. I think as a whole, we tend to forget just how precious life is, until we are barely holding on to it. I don't want to be caught up in the things that don't really matter at all. I want to live my life, becoming successful and knowing that just maybe, I left a small dent in this place before I leave it. Based on shows and magazines, many of us are consumed by the dreams of fame and fortune and we fail to remember that the small things are what truly make us happy. I don't ever want to lose sight of that. It scares me to think that even for a moment...I did just that.
So, there's nothing more frustrating than realizing that the things you thought you'd gotten over, continually become thrown in your face, only to remind you again and again of the past. I mean, my memories aren't ones that I can't get over, and it's possible that I overreact. But the thing is, to me, the things that happened weren't just nothing, but had a large impact on me (sometimes, even more than I expected). I will honestly and openly tell you that I'm not one of those girls that easily gets over things. I'm strong and my life doesn't completely fall apart, but I'm a sensitive person that can be easily attached. So I'm not the kind of girl that can move from one guy to another. It just means that it's got to be a certain kind of guy that I end up with. But when I take a look around and realize that that I now have to be reminded of everything....again, I realize that this might not be the place I'm supposed to be. My worst fear is that this year will be a repeat of last year. Last year was amazing, but there are a number of mistakes and moments I don't care to repeat by any means. This year is for me. I'm more than determined to make this year my year. I'm going in strong with my head on straight. I know this might sound selfish, but I tend to be the girl that acts as a doormat. I pretend I'm ok with things, when on the inside I'm screaming or crying. I'm a people pleaser and I fear making others upset or risk ruining a friendship. In the process, I put my feelings aside and I get taken advantage of. It's something I have to work on and have been working on. This time, it's going to be different. I'm putting myself first and I will slowly put myself together while I find the things I want most in life.
Larry King
March Madness
Natasha Fame Leslie
Ryan Seacrest
Sanu Dellafiore
John Armstrong
Fred Hanna
Georgia Hester
