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I've been technically single for about a year now. I was just starting my career and I neither wanted nor had the time really to get into a serious relationship. However, like most 28 year old women, I have sexual needs that need to be satisfied from time to time. 


I met "John" about 8 or 9 months ago. At first, we were just friends that would go out to have a few drinks every now and then. Then after about two months of hanging out, we accidentally got a little too drunk and ended up having sex. Fortunately, we had discussed the possibility of becoming friends with benefits while we were at the bar if neither one of us met anyone that night and both understood that we were only going to be friends. 

"John" is HOT! He has an amazing body and knows how to use it to satisfy a woman! He's also very funny and I love being around him. At first, I liked him in that sexual attraction type of way, but have slowly developed deeper feelings for him. For the first 3 or 4 months of our friends with benefits arrangement, "John" and I would hook up about 5 or 6 nights a month. In the morning, either he or I, depending on whose bed we used, would get up and casually leave. Occasionally, we would have sex again in the morning, but that is virtually it. There was nothing else to the relationship...we were just friends helping each other satisfy our sexual appetites. 

I can't say I didn't enjoy the terms of our relationship because I did. It was great no headache and no strings attached sex. The last 2 or 3 months, however, I have started falling in love with him and I think he might be falling in love with me. He no longer just gets up and leaves and after sex, for instance. Usually we will talk and even grab a bite to eat in the morning. He has also been taking me out to eat at fine dining establishments that have been very romantic. 

We occasionally do bf/gf type activities, but we have never talked about the status of our relationship. I'm not sure if he just sees me as a "best" friend he gets to have sex with or if he is beginning to develop more genuine and real feelings for me like I have for him. Usually, I would have no problem just asking the guy where we stand, but in this instance I don't want to rock the boat, so to speak.

I like what we have and want more, but I don't want to lose what we have right now. I guess my main issue of confronting and asking him where we stand is because I'm not sure if it is even possible for a serious relationship to start with a guy that has been sleeping with you for around 6 or 7 months but has never asked you to be exclusive. If he liked me, he would surely make a move, right? Has this ever happened to anyone? Have you ever been in a friends with benefits relationship and it turn into a serious relationship?

Can Casual Sex Lead to a Serious Relationship?

Amy Cervelo Amy Cervelo

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Ah, progress. Researchers are rumored to be within ten years of perfecting a safe and effective male contraceptive, albiet fifty years beyond the female birth control's debated debut. Yet, in a stunning display of reverse-chauvinism, men are still seen as self-absorbed pigs who ought not be trusted to handle their role in reproductive responsibility. Is this an unfortunate stereotype that the guys just can't shake or a bitter truth that needs to be considered?

Slate.com reports that according to professor Nelly Oudshoorn’s The Male Pill, research has actually been held up by the archaic aversion to the idea, stemming from the traditional stance that family planning is woman’s responsibility, alongside the notion that most men are wildly unreliable and uninterested. “Family planners ignored men as consumers; drug companies were reluctant to invest in projects that appeared to have little profit; and researchers were discouraged from entering the field because of a lack of interest and funding.” 

"Even now," Slate notes, "women’s organizations must take the lead in convincing scientists and drug-makers to study male contraception."

The general male public is assumed to be opposed to the idea, "But according to studies by the World Health Organization, men across the globe would overwhelmingly welcome the opportunity to take an oral contraceptive and maintain greater control over family planning. In fact, the WHO has had no difficulty recruiting volunteers to its male contraception studies." 

Will the new everyday man, with his metrosexual grooming habits, renewed focus on health, and more progressive overall outlook regarding his role in life, embrace the opportunity to be proactive in his reproductive relationship? Or will men uphold the portrayals of the thoughtless playboy as the male standard?

Casandra Armour Casandra Armour

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There is a certain sexual excitement that comes from the forbidden, from the thought of the unknown, from the anticipation of exploring a new body. As my day dreams run wild and my blood starts to heat up I run for either my husband or one of my special “toys.” There is nothing wrong with fantasying, in fact I encourage it and for some there is nothing wrong with the occasional fling. We just haven’t decided if it is for us or not. We have talked of it on occasion each revealing a little more of our secret fantasies whether it be switching partners, threesomes or completely anonymous sex. I wonder often if the reason we have not joined the lifestyle is because really it is not sex that we fantasy about but the excitement leading up to the actual act.

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